The harsh truth is this. I can’t eat what I want. Not only can I not eat what I want, I can’t even come close to eating what I want.
Back up to 177.4 after what, just a couple of weeks of not being abstinent? It’s truly amazing that what took two months to lose by eating (sort of well) can be completely erased by just a couple of weeks. And I was by no means out of control with food, I was just eating some stuff I don’t eat when I’m abstinent. Like gummi bears, kind bars, a whole grain bagel with cream cheese at Starbucks. Nothing really heinous, just not so tightly controlled.
Discouraging! I feel puffy. I feel like I have a double chin (I actually sort of do). I don’t know what to do. I’m going to have to go on starvation rations to lose any weight at all. My feet have this slight swelling that only I notice, because I am very well acquainted with my feet, but my shoes leave strap marks when I take them off, something that never happened before. I went to the doctor for it a couple of months ago. It wasn’t my normal doctor, she was out of town, so they sent me to one of her associates, a youthful dweeb of an MD who just happens to be my husband’s doctor and seems to take very good care of him.
Well, Dr. Dweeb, MD, couldn’t ascertain any swelling but since I had a blood clot a few years ago while pregnant he sent me for a venous Doppler ultrasound—the NEXT DAY, because it could be a blood clot presenting in a weird way (his comment, not mine). I took an afternoon off work and showed up at the ultrasound center and waited a very long while to find out that Dr. Dweeb had not written the venous Doppler ultrasound order properly and thus they couldn’t do it. No pleading or reasoning with them worked (I know he meant bilateral! Both legs!), and attempts to call Dr. Dweeb were unsuccessful as it was a Friday afternoon and his office is closed on Friday afternoons.
I gave up and never had the scan, but then a couple of days ago, I noticed the foot swelling was a little worse than it has been so I tried to make an appointment with my doctor. The person on the phone took my information and apparently looked at an appointment calendar because she informed me that I had an appointment on September 21 (with this tone that implied, how dare you ask for an appointment when you already have one for over a month hence) and I would just have to wait until then, as my doctor is booked until December. When I politely asked what happens if someone gets sick and needs to be seen, she mumbled something vague about trying to work them in with a different doctor.
Well, so much for trying to catch things early. Granted, the swelling is slight and there is no pain, but it would be nice to find out what it is and potentially treat it before it gets worse. I apparently don’t have a blood clot because it would have caused me problems by now (up to and including death!), so that’s good. I think I’m just overweight and sit too much, but who knows.
In the good news, I’ve stepped up the walking because I had this dawning moment of realizing I was doing nothing but Bar Method DVDs (which are incredibly difficult but not aerobic) and then sitting all day, and the dogs were getting quite fat, so with the temperatures moderating, I’ve managed to take the dogs for several evening walks to the desert where they can dash about madly, off leash. The walks can’t be bad for me, even if they’re not hard-core. I am almost 50 with creaky knees, after all.
Other good news:
· My youngest is settling into first grade.
· I (as well as my husband) are gainfully employed.
· We have a comfortable house, which is only partially a sty today.
· The pool is algae free.
· My New Car Fever has temporarily abated, and I’m keeping my current car clean and pleasant.
· I enjoy freedom of speech and get to vote in elections.
· I get to listen to Green Day when I arrive at work in the morning.
· Temperatures have fallen below 100 and September draws near!
There are a million other good things I could list but I’ll save them for another day.
But there is one more thing to remember. For a compulsive overeater like me, There Will Never Be Enough. So why even start overeating at all?
Easier said than done. Stay tuned!
Post Script: Just found out Neil Armstrong died. I can actually remember watching him stepping onto the moon. We sat in our living room in 1969 watching the grainy black and white images on the TV. My mother had tears in her eyes. It was so dramatic. All the boys in my class wanted to be astronauts. What brave men those guys were, given the technology of the time—there were so many things that could have gone wrong, and as I recall it all hinged on them being able to take off from the moon and meet up with the other spaceship orbiting around the moon, and then lining up exactly right to be able to hit earth’s atmosphere without bouncing off . . . what a feat of human genius. It brings tears to my eyes right now to look at Neil Armstrong’s young, brave face in his official Apollo astronaut portrait. What a great guy.
I got to shake Buzz Aldrin’s hand once, and have spoken to Frank Borman many times (we went to the same church and he had a hangar at the airport I used to manage) and I treasure those two, but Neil Armstrong was an icon. What a great thing he did.
1930-2012
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