Eating this way is going to kill me.
My poor mother-in-law lies, desperately ill, in a hospital bed right now, from a constellation of problems caused largely by the fact that she has Type 2 diabetes.
I have to stop eating this way.
My body sends me subtle signs when I'm pushing the boundaries of sugar consumption, and I'm to that point again.
I must get off the junk.
It doesn't matter if I had a tough childhood or if my husband is distant or my job is stressful or the house is a cluttered wreck.
Life is hard enough without making it harder by suffering with AVOIDABLE health problems.
Must stop, now.
Get it back!
Monday, August 18, 2014
Sunday, August 17, 2014
2014 Update
Well, a lot has happened.
Weight-wise, I'm back up to new heights of fat-ness. Probably heavier than I've ever been. I lumber. My upper arms are ripply sausages. My legs have moved into fat lady territory, they don't have any regular leg shape to them any more. And my midsection is just thick and stout, there is no other way to describe it. Just big, big all over.
I think I went through menopause because if being fat wasn't enough, my face has taken on the appearance of a crone. And my neck . . . lets just not talk about my neck.
But my health . . . my always great health . . . is no more. Back in December I was diagnosed with Stage III colon cancer. Surgery in January. We think they got all the tumor but one lymph node was positive for cancer so I've been on a regimen of oral chemotherapy for the last six months. I call it Chemo-Lite, because I haven't lost my hair and it doesn't make me sick to my stomach. It does, however, cause neuropathy in my hands and feet (feels sort of like dull shards of glass in your hands, weird) and makes my eyes red and itchy, like an allergy attack. And I'm not very peppy. Usually I'm okay but sometimes I get pretty tired. For the past few months, the only exercise I've been getting is walking my dogs, usually for about 45 minutes.
I try to act like I'm normal but I'm really not. In fact, I've been off of work for almost two months on the orders of my doctor(s) and I can't go back until at least mid-September. I don't miss work, but I do miss the people I work with. But my 8-year-old and I have had a great summer together. She was happy not to have to go to summer program and we had some good times. She's back in school now, but I can pick her up at the dismissal bell and she doesn't have to go to after school program, which she loves.
So, I can do pretty well eating-wise for a while but I always, always, always blow it. I couldn't even sleep well last night due to all the butter pecan ice cream I had eaten forming an immovable lump in my stomach. Ugh. And now that I'm older, I've noticed that my body is much less tolerant of my poor eating habits. I won't go into detail, but my body lets me know in unpleasant ways when I've been hitting the junk food too hard. And I'm terrified of tipping over into Type II diabetes. Which is completely avoidable, if I could get my eating act together.
Must. Do. Better.
I always felt that if I could get some down time, just some time to breathe, that I could get my eating on track. But I've had several weeks of down time and no, I haven't gotten my eating on track. At least not for any significant amount of time.
There is no magic bullet! There is nothing for me to do but to just do it, to quote Nike. Just don't eat the junk. Actually, just don't do it is probably more appropriate in my particular situation.
So, I'm back with my First World Problems and Middle-Aged-Fat-Lady angst. More to follow!
Weight-wise, I'm back up to new heights of fat-ness. Probably heavier than I've ever been. I lumber. My upper arms are ripply sausages. My legs have moved into fat lady territory, they don't have any regular leg shape to them any more. And my midsection is just thick and stout, there is no other way to describe it. Just big, big all over.
I think I went through menopause because if being fat wasn't enough, my face has taken on the appearance of a crone. And my neck . . . lets just not talk about my neck.
But my health . . . my always great health . . . is no more. Back in December I was diagnosed with Stage III colon cancer. Surgery in January. We think they got all the tumor but one lymph node was positive for cancer so I've been on a regimen of oral chemotherapy for the last six months. I call it Chemo-Lite, because I haven't lost my hair and it doesn't make me sick to my stomach. It does, however, cause neuropathy in my hands and feet (feels sort of like dull shards of glass in your hands, weird) and makes my eyes red and itchy, like an allergy attack. And I'm not very peppy. Usually I'm okay but sometimes I get pretty tired. For the past few months, the only exercise I've been getting is walking my dogs, usually for about 45 minutes.
I try to act like I'm normal but I'm really not. In fact, I've been off of work for almost two months on the orders of my doctor(s) and I can't go back until at least mid-September. I don't miss work, but I do miss the people I work with. But my 8-year-old and I have had a great summer together. She was happy not to have to go to summer program and we had some good times. She's back in school now, but I can pick her up at the dismissal bell and she doesn't have to go to after school program, which she loves.
So, I can do pretty well eating-wise for a while but I always, always, always blow it. I couldn't even sleep well last night due to all the butter pecan ice cream I had eaten forming an immovable lump in my stomach. Ugh. And now that I'm older, I've noticed that my body is much less tolerant of my poor eating habits. I won't go into detail, but my body lets me know in unpleasant ways when I've been hitting the junk food too hard. And I'm terrified of tipping over into Type II diabetes. Which is completely avoidable, if I could get my eating act together.
Must. Do. Better.
I always felt that if I could get some down time, just some time to breathe, that I could get my eating on track. But I've had several weeks of down time and no, I haven't gotten my eating on track. At least not for any significant amount of time.
There is no magic bullet! There is nothing for me to do but to just do it, to quote Nike. Just don't eat the junk. Actually, just don't do it is probably more appropriate in my particular situation.
So, I'm back with my First World Problems and Middle-Aged-Fat-Lady angst. More to follow!
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Fun . . . for a while
Well, I haven't posted in a while because I've been busy--busy GAINING BACK ALL THE WEIGHT I LOST! This is now the second time in a year I've managed to lose 13-15 pounds and gain it all back in a very short period of time.
I must admit, the eating has been fun. Ice cream and chocolate are really, really good. A new frozen yogurt store opened up in town and their "Original Tart" flavor has become a new favorite of mine. We went on vacation, back to the water park in Texas (it was great, this time we took my big kids, along with my son-in-law and my son's long-time girlfriend) and not having to worry about a diet while we were there was nice. Then home, and back to recreational eating: Potato chips! Bagels! Butter! All most enjoyable. Relaxing, soothing, almost . . . drugging.
But, now my upper arms are plump and sausage-like and my thighs are again rubbing together. And before I grow out of all my clothes again, I'm going to have to do something.
But what? Weight Watchers? OA? A combination thereof? No eating after 6 pm (unrealistic with our schedule, actually)? Cutting out white flour and sugar? A brain transplant so all the skewed neural pathways that make me a compulsive overeater are no longer an issue?
I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I need to do something. I'm 50, almost 51, and unfortunately these overeating patterns are pretty ingrained by now. I've been this way all my life. It's just now I can't get away with it like I could when I was younger, when I could eat a pint of Haagen-Dazs before bed every night, go for a two-mile jog the next day and weigh 50 pounds less than I do now. Seems incredible. Now I know what people meant when they said, "I just look at fattening food and gain weight". Because the weight gain, once I get off my diet, is astonishingly swift.
I will report back . . . once I figure out what to do.
I must admit, the eating has been fun. Ice cream and chocolate are really, really good. A new frozen yogurt store opened up in town and their "Original Tart" flavor has become a new favorite of mine. We went on vacation, back to the water park in Texas (it was great, this time we took my big kids, along with my son-in-law and my son's long-time girlfriend) and not having to worry about a diet while we were there was nice. Then home, and back to recreational eating: Potato chips! Bagels! Butter! All most enjoyable. Relaxing, soothing, almost . . . drugging.
But, now my upper arms are plump and sausage-like and my thighs are again rubbing together. And before I grow out of all my clothes again, I'm going to have to do something.
But what? Weight Watchers? OA? A combination thereof? No eating after 6 pm (unrealistic with our schedule, actually)? Cutting out white flour and sugar? A brain transplant so all the skewed neural pathways that make me a compulsive overeater are no longer an issue?
I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I need to do something. I'm 50, almost 51, and unfortunately these overeating patterns are pretty ingrained by now. I've been this way all my life. It's just now I can't get away with it like I could when I was younger, when I could eat a pint of Haagen-Dazs before bed every night, go for a two-mile jog the next day and weigh 50 pounds less than I do now. Seems incredible. Now I know what people meant when they said, "I just look at fattening food and gain weight". Because the weight gain, once I get off my diet, is astonishingly swift.
I will report back . . . once I figure out what to do.
Friday, June 14, 2013
Five Pounds in Four Days
Well, I guess I really did gain 5 pounds in four days, which is physically impossible, because after (thank God, and I say that reverently) getting back on plan after a few not-so-on-plan days, I only lost a pound. What this means is that I lost 13 originally, gained 5 in the four days I was out of town, and now a week later I’ve lost one, which gives me a net loss of 9.
It’s terrible that I could negate what amounts to a month worth of weight loss effort in less than a week (and I still don’t think it’s possible, but I can’t argue with the numbers at this point). But, in the good news, I’m back on track and hope I see continued improvement. I can’t gain any more weight! Not an option!
Sunday, June 9, 2013
17,500 Calories
I did NOT eat 17,500 calories in four days.
Things were going so well. I was down to 164.4, I’d lost 13 pounds! Then I had to go on a work trip for four days. I tried to stay on plan and actually didn’t do that badly. But, whether it was the few alcoholic drinks I had or the restaurant food or the general stress of travel, when I got back after four days I had gained FIVE pounds. FIVE! I weighed 169.4 the morning after I got home. And I walked or rode the light rail everywhere, so lack of exercise wasn’t a problem.
The only thing I take from this is to not pay too much attention to the scale and stay the course, because many factors could cause weight fluctuations. But the weight watchers website yammers at me if I don’t weigh at least weekly, and then if I’ve had a particularly “good” day or feel slim, I’ll weigh more frequently, or I’ll “weight cherry-pick”: my weigh-in day is Friday but if I weighed a few ounces less on an illicit Wednesday weigh in, I’ll log THAT weight on the web site. Oooooooooo . . . . End result, however, is that I've become inordinately focused on the number on the scale.
Not sure what to do. 13 pounds was pretty good. It was what I lost the last time I tried this, last fall. But something happens around the two to three month period and I fail. It seems like I’ll never drop out of the 160’s ever again. I certainly don’t want to gain the weight back, especially not with our water park vacation coming up in a month, but right now, the cheap grocery store Neapolitan ice cream left over from my daughter’s pool party is calling my name. Must set it on the counter to soften . . .
Will report back!
Friday, May 24, 2013
Happy Birthday
Weigh-in this morning—down 12 pounds total. Down to my annoying mid 160’s set point. This is a crux for me, because I seem to settle in at this weight range and it hard to drop any more. I’ve noticed I start losing resolve around this point in the process as well. I’ve been on my weight watchers PLUS no sugar or white flour plan now for about two months. It is very challenging, but being off the sugar and white flour is actually helpful—fewer cravings.
But it is still not easy.
Good news—my 7 year old successfully completed first grade and is going on to second. She scored quite well on her standardized tests—the first time we’ve gotten official confirmation that she is intelligent. That sounds weird, we knew she was smart, but to actually see the 99th and 98th percentiles there on paper warmed my parental heart!
More good news—all my lantana came back this spring and all but one are blooming. I don’t know why this makes me so happy, but every time I pull into my driveway and see the bright colors blooming on the verge it just cheers me up. Every plant has a different color of flower, so it’s quite a sight. I’ll post a picture soon—but it’s hard to get the total effect because the plants extend sort of a long way.
Kittens now (Boy on left, Girl on right)
Friday, May 17, 2013
The Black Lagoon
The weather is warming up and I started feeling like opening up the pool, so we peeled off the pool cover last night and this is what was underneath:
The BLACK LAGOON.
Looks refreshing and inviting, doesn't it? Makes you want to jump right in!
We will spend much of the weekend trying to clean this nasty swamp up and do all the various start-up-the-pool chores. We do our own pool, I just don't feel that this is a service I can really afford to pay for. The pool is unheated so it's only a three-month pool. Or three and a half months. We open it in late May and it's pretty much too cold to use by September. It really only gets decently warm in late July, the rest of the time you are lowering yourself into the frigid water inch by inch.
Haven't figured out a pool heating solution yet. Though we have ideas.
In the weight loss front, down 9.8 pounds since I started back on plan in late March. This is very good! Weight is 167.2. I haven't lost enough to be able to wear different clothes, and the new bathing suit I got doesn't look ANYTHING like the model iwearing it in the catalog did, but it's still better than where I was two months ago.
Upcoming hurdle--business trip to Salt Lake City where I will be without a car, staying downtown, and at the mercy of whatever food I can find there. INCREDIBLY boring training but necessary. I guess I can see if the hotel room has a mini-fridge and try to bring as many non-perishable plan food as I can. NOT going to lose this momentum!
The BLACK LAGOON.
Looks refreshing and inviting, doesn't it? Makes you want to jump right in!
We will spend much of the weekend trying to clean this nasty swamp up and do all the various start-up-the-pool chores. We do our own pool, I just don't feel that this is a service I can really afford to pay for. The pool is unheated so it's only a three-month pool. Or three and a half months. We open it in late May and it's pretty much too cold to use by September. It really only gets decently warm in late July, the rest of the time you are lowering yourself into the frigid water inch by inch.
Haven't figured out a pool heating solution yet. Though we have ideas.
In the weight loss front, down 9.8 pounds since I started back on plan in late March. This is very good! Weight is 167.2. I haven't lost enough to be able to wear different clothes, and the new bathing suit I got doesn't look ANYTHING like the model iwearing it in the catalog did, but it's still better than where I was two months ago.
Upcoming hurdle--business trip to Salt Lake City where I will be without a car, staying downtown, and at the mercy of whatever food I can find there. INCREDIBLY boring training but necessary. I guess I can see if the hotel room has a mini-fridge and try to bring as many non-perishable plan food as I can. NOT going to lose this momentum!
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