Graveyard Spiral

Not doing well.  Spiraling into a bad cycle.  Went to a meeting last night.  Some new folks were there and I realized I had absolutely nothing to offer them.  No abstinence, no recovery.  No hope.

Something is wrong.  Keep thinking about getting a car which I DON'T NEED.  It must be some sort of avoidance/bored/something-to-do issue.  Even though I swore cold turkey off the used car web sites, while out and about today I saw a really neat-looking car, which turned out to be a Volkswagen CC, and I was looking them up on-line to see if they were affordable, and somehow found my way to the green Subaru station wagon I almost bought last week (it's still available!) . . . completely nuts.  Like I need a new car to drive two miles to work.  I could theoretically get away with having NO car.  NO car!  STOP!

I did share at last night's meeting, albeit briefly.  I talked about a song that I hear on the radio that has a refrain contains the line " . . . in  a world of human wreckage . . .".  That line always sticks with me.  We are all wrecked in one way or another.  We are all traumatized, scarred and dealing with some sort of pain.  Even those who look like they are completely together and have it all are broken in some way.  You never know what other people are going through.  And it's no wonder we all have various coping mechanisms to deal with them.

Must stop this graveyard spiral . . . not sure if I can right now.  I can feel the cloud descending.  Heading into instrument conditions with no ground reference on a VFR flight plan  . . . the nose is pointing down and the turn is getting tighter . . . heading down . . . silly dramatic analogy . . .

As an aside, did you know the average life span of a VFR-only pilot who enters IFR conditions is 178 seconds?  Just a little over three minutes?  The spatial disorientation is just too great to overcome  We are not naturally creatures of flight.  I have a friend who has been a pilot all  his life and the way he has stayed safe is to always remember what his grandfather, also a pilot, told him:  "we have no business being up there." 

And we really don't.

Interesting.

For whatever it's worth.