Dots

Things are NOT going well on the diet front. Over the last couple of weeks I have found myself unable to stay within my point range and yesterday I actually ate some candy. Dots.  Many of them.  Like I used to do, mindless stuffing of face with sweet nuggets of gumminess.  And I even hid the box under my pillow so no one would see, but of course my observant 7-year-old noticed them.  Busted!

I know from sad experience that a weight loss so painfully eked out over an 11-week time frame can be regained in two weeks (or less!) if an eating frenzy is allowed to occur.  I believe I know what has caused this to happen, and there isn't really anything I can do about it.  But stepping back to observe my behavior over the last two weeks has indicated to me that something definitely changed, and the urge to overeat is incredibly strong.  "Will power" just isn't cutting it.  Something takes over that is overwhelmingly powerful and demands that I just EAT.

But I'm NOT going to throw in the towel, as in times past.  I have worked diligently to lose the 12 or so pounds, I feel much better, clothes fit better, and life is just better overall without overeating.  So, even with Thanksgiving coming up, I will continue to track my points, log my exercise and consider this just a blip in a weight-loss effort that will probably take about a year.  And then there will be maintenance, of course.

In good news, I'm going backpacking Friday-Sunday, in the Gila wildnerness.  I have a five-day holiday weekend and after cooking dinner on Thanksgiving and hanging with my kids, I will pack up and meet my dad at the trail head for what should be a fun trip.  18 miles round trip, with a pack, and access only to the food I carry with me should help to break the overeating cycle, but sometimes it backfires.  Example:  I went on a six-day backpack to Wyoming several years ago.  Backpacking for six days at altitude requires a lot of energy, and thus food, so I ate heartily on the trail.  Problem was, when I got back into civilization, my body wanted me to continue to eat heartily, and I did.  End result--I was 20 pounds heavier 3 months later.  Ugh. I even broke the zipper on my wedding dress--but that's another story.

So, I will have to watch for that pitfall, but I think the trip is going to be great.  If the weather holds.

In succulent news, my baby toes has a couple of new flower buds but I think it wants more sun, as this picture indicates:

Poor flower stem on baby toes plant seeking sun (window to left)

its's always hard in the winter to know where to put my succulents to keep them happy.  With these delicate little guys, just a slight difference in sun angle can make a big difference.  I have kind of a dark house, and very little windowsill space that isn't in the direct attack zone of my big dog's tail, which is a unique and powerful weapon, or accessible to little kitten teeth.  All I can do is place the plant, not move it (they don't like getting schlepped around at all), and hope for the best. 

My support stockings have not yet arrived.  I even called to inquire about them.  That's fine with me!  They can get here months from now and I won't mind!

Will report back . . .

No Pep!

I am absolutely pep-less.  I had a long, tiring day yesterday and even though I slept like the dead, I woke up just tired.  I gave myself a couple of hours before I started one of my hard Bar Method tapes (my customary Sunday exercise) but still, I only got 10 minutes into it before I had to sit down.  I'll defintely be doing Bar Method Super Sculpting in 5-10 minute intervals today.  Wow.  Tired.  Whupped.  Weary.  Rurnt.

Struggling with the diet, too.  I think I exceeded my daily points value every day last week, but I'm still "on the plan" thanks to the 49 free weekly points I get, and also my activity points (thank heavens I don't hate exercise).  But it's ironic, because people have started noticing my weight loss--an employee noticed on Friday, and a girl scout mom noticed last night (went to a Divali Festival at a Hindu temple in El Paso with the girl scouts--interesting and mostly enjoyable).  I've noticed from former weight loss efforts that it usually takes over 10 pounds of loss for anyone to notice.  It's actually sort of embarassing when people notice. 

I hope I don't just throw in the towel and start eating again.  One of my former staff members, who also struggles with weight, said once, "I wish we just didn't have to eat at all".  I knew what he meant.  If we just had to take a pill or drink a shake or something it would be so much easier and less fraught with emotion and turmoil than having to worry about what to eat (or not eat) every day. 

Had a rare rainstorm this morning.  Not a lot of precipitation, but I bet my lantanas enjoyed it.  Two new flower buds are emerging on my baby toes plant, but since they're inside now I'm not sure how they'll do.  Succulents are an enjoyable but difficut hobby, as the growth is slow, the plats are tempermental  and patient observation is necessary to determine how to best care for the various varieties.  But I still like my succulents a lot.

Desolate!

ARGH!  I had mentioned that my wonderful baby toes succulent had a flower bud and was greatly looking forward to my first blooming succulent.  Well, we had the first hard freeze of the year and I, as usual, brought all the succulents indoors for the winter.  My baby toes plant was down on the ground by my side door catch some nice late-afternoon sun and male kitten (Fergus/Aladdin/Jack/BoyBoy) apprently became interested in the bud, which by this time was sticking up far above the baby toes lobes, and the horrid little beast ATE it.  That is, he ate the bud covering, exposing what would have been the beautiful flower inside.  The petals would have been orange, or at least in their still-unbloomed state they are orange.

I was desolate.  These plants are so delicate and hard to keep alive, and I had a flower about to bloom, and now I just have a chewed orange and green clump, as shown below:

If you look closely on the top picture, you can see little kitten tooth marks on some of the lobes.  I guess the fenesteria isn't poisonous as male kitten seemed fine after his little snack.  The plant has now been moved to a well-lit room on a high shelf where it should be safe, but I think the flower is toast. 

On the weight loss front, I'm now on my fourth week of bouncing around in the mid-160's--I was back up .8 pound, to 165.  Bummer.  However, I'm hoping to go backpacking over the long Thanksgiving weekend and perhaps I'll finally drop down into the low 160's.  Something about long sustained hiking carrying a heavy pack seems to be very good for weight loss.

Getting it Back

Major good news.  I lost weight, down to 164.2 for a total loss of 13.4 pounds (or thereabouts).  Feeling good.  Something is changing.  I’m really wanting to get out and the hikes I’m wanting to do are challenging ones.  Backpacking out of McKittrick Canyon.  Guadalupe Peak.  The Crest Trail in the White Mountain Wilderness.  I’m not sure if my current fitness level would allow me to do these difficult hikes, but the fact that I even want to, and feel like I might be able to do them if I went slowly, I take as a very good sign that I am on my way to “getting it back”.  But . . .

Alas, I was foiled this weekend.  I’ve got a lovely three day weekend (Veteran’s Day) and had long-planned a backpack with my dad, but forecast cold and windy weather forced us to cancel.  What a disappointment!  We were going to go up the Aspen Trail to Elk Point in the White Mountain Wilderness, once of my favorite places in the world.  Darn!  But the howling winds I experienced just going up “A” Mountain this morning made me realize I had made the correct decision.  Perhaps the weather will be better over Thanksgiving weekend and we can do something then.

Support stockings have not yet arrived so I have so far dodged that bullet.  Probably this week. 

Bud on baby toes plant has not yet opened but is continuing to grow so I’m hopeful.  A freeze is expected this weekend so I’ll be bringing my outdoor succulents inside, which is always dicey because my house doesn’t get a lot of natural light inside.  Some make it through the winter inside, but others don't.  Found some additional succulent blogs that have a lot of good care information, which helps.  I’m pretty much in the dark trying to take care of these exotic plants. 

Planning to crochet a lot this weekend.  I love needlework, I just never have the uninterrupted stretches of time to make big items.  My wonderful sister-in-law is in town for a conference and staying with us.  I enjoy her tremendously.  She has the perfect blend of funny, smart, and encyclopedic knowledge and I can talk to her for hours.

One of the crocheted Christmas Stars I'm making for my daughter's school Craft Fair

Will report back!              

Support Stockings

Disappointing news from the scale—I actually gained .4 pound, though I’m trying not to get too concerned.  It was a real minefield of a week, with my daughter’s birthday party and Halloween, but I stayed within my point range and ate very little Halloween candy, so I’m not sure what happened.  But, I intend to stay the course.  Maybe I’ll have a good loss next week.  I certainly look and feel better.  In fact, it’s hard to believe that I still have 30 pounds to lose because I feel so slim.  I guess it goes back to the New Normal (see earlier post) where I’ve gotten so used to being obese that even just a small weight loss and less tight clothes feels like I’ve met my goal!  But 166 is not where I need to be.

 Bad:  I saw the vascular surgeon and he said I had to wear support stockings for the rest of my life.  This is a problem in several ways.  First, they are expensive:  $65 bucks a pair.  Second, I live in a hot climate and I cannot imagine wearing these things on a 110-degree day.  I haven’t actually worn them yet, they were custom-fitted and have to be ordered, but I’m pretty sure they will be very hot.  Third:  I don’t wear pants to work.  Dress slacks have never worked for my short, squat body type so my entire work wardrobe is dresses and skirts.  How I’m going to wear hideous, thick beige support stockings with my work clothes is a mystery to me.  And I have too much invested in my work clothes to just stop wearing them.  Not sure how I’m going to work this out.  The support hose catalog and packaging I saw at the doctor’s office had pictures of slim, long-legged women in diaphonous minidresses, supposedly wearing the stockings, but I don’t believe it.  I will report back once I actually start wearing the hose.

Exciting news on the succulent front!  My baby toes mimicry plant (fenestraria)is about to flower!  I water it once a week and noticed a weird protrusion amongst the lobes yesterday.  It’s a flower bud!  I looked on line and once the bud opens it will look like a white daisy with yellow center!  I’m excited!  This plant is unique as it has translucent windows at the top of each lobe through which sunlight can penetrate.  I’ve also kept my split rocks alive longer than I ever have, and new lobes are forming in the center!  My brain plants (lithops) are hanging in there as well, though I don’t think I’ll be seeing any flowers from them this year. 

Bud on baby toes plant 

New lobes on split rock

Brain Plants hanging in there

One more piece of good news:  I found a perfect dress to wear to my daughter’s wedding next month.  Her colors are silver, black and bronze, and when I was at Dillards buying shoes for my youngest, I saw a great silver and black cocktail-type dress that I thought would be perfect, but I didn’t try it on because we were pressed for time and I wasn’t wearing good clothes for trying on dresses (i.e., control-top pantyhose).  Well, yesterday I went back to Dillards to try it on and not only did it fit and look great, it had been marked down 30% so I got it for 48 bucks!  Add a matching shrug as the wedding will be in cold weather, a great pair of shoes, and I’ll be set! 

 Great dress for daughter's wedding