Anhedonia

I'm exhausted after working from 7:00 to 5:30 and doing one of my hard exercise tapes.  Didn't get the best night's sleep either. 

A dissatisfaction and restlessness consumes me.  I keep searching for cars on line.  (My beautiful brown Buick was sold!) Because I can't afford a car, I'm doing stupid things like buying stuff I don't need.  A costly Coach purse that I don't even like.  Lamps for the house.  Downloading non-free books to my Nook (Seriously, as far as I can tell the only free books available are self-published teenage vampire romance novel series. Or teenage werewolf romance novel series.  NOT KIDDING.)  I must stop this useless buying.  "Less than a car payment!"  I tell myself as justification as I swipe the credit card or fill up an on-line shopping bag with items.

I have no idea what is bothering me, but I just don't seem to be satisfied with what I have.  My house is old and has an awkward layout and the neighborhood is going rental with cars parked all over.  I owe more than it's worth, so I'm not moving any time soon. Nor should I want to, because the location is great and its proximity to work, my daughter's school, and basic services allows us to not even HAVE a car, or not have two cars, if we didn't want to.

Must be satisfied with what I have.  Probably having my daughter in a private school isn't helping much because she has little friends who have very well-off parents and I get exposed to all this wealth that I wouldn't otherwise see.  But that's only a tiny part of what is going on. Who knows . . . just ridiculous First-World angst, I suppose

Still in detox, avoiding the sugar and white flour. My husband made the best dinner.  He does something with italian dressing and parmesan cheese and chicken that is heavenly.  It was so good.  I just wish I could drag my tired bones back to the kitchen to clean it up. 

Coming up next time:  what I would tell my lovely 20-year-old self about weight and diet, if I could.