The New Normal

You hear a lot about the “new normal” after the devastating recession.  You know, job security is a thing of the past, no more using home equity as a savings account, “sure thing” investments are no longer sure things, etc.  The “new normal” can also refer to weight gain.  Over time, a weight that seemed unspeakable when one was younger becomes the “new normal”. 

For example, my goal weight, where I look and feel good, is around 138.  That is technically overweight for my height, but I can wear a size six at that weight and it just seems to work for me.  Ironically, though, after my second child was born 22 years ago, I weighed 135 at my postnatal visit and was horrified at the “20 pounds!!” I had to lose to get back where I was “supposed to be”.  Back then, at 27, my normal was 115.  (And yes, I thought I was “fat” at that weight.  Slap me.)

Right around the time husband and I got married back in 2004, my weight had crept up to 155 or so.  I was horrified. I had to buy a size 10 suit for my wedding!  Egad! I had never weighed so much.  138 had become my “normal” weight, the weight I aspired to. Unthinkable when I was in my 20’s.  Weigh over 130?  No way!  

Oh, to weigh 155 again . . .

Went clothes shopping this weekend and with barely a thought, I was snatching 14s and 16s off the racks and trying them on, not batting an eye if the 14 was too tight and I needed a 16.  But it hit me—181.8 should not be my new normal.  181.8 is obese.  I’m not comfortable.  I actually notice restriction in how well I can move. There is flesh against flesh.  I don’t look in mirrors any more.  The thighs rubbing together actually cause friction pain.  Which creates a vicious cycle, because when it’s uncomfortable to move, I move less, probably without even thinking about it, which makes me even fatter and more unwilling to move.

But how to achieve my goal?  Of 138-ish?

With 45-50 or so pounds to lose, it’s probably going to take a while.  A year, perhaps?   

At almost 50, nothing’s going to happen quickly, I’m afraid. 

This really sucks, because eating is one of my greatest pleasures and joys.  Especially zoning out with food and a book.  Heavenly . . . .

Went to a meeting a couple of nights ago after a two-year hiatus.  I used to be a part of an organization that helps people who have problems with overeating.  It helped for a while, then didn't.  I'm still not sure if this is the right approach for me to take, but as I'm still eating, it certainly can't hurt.

Did a Bar Method DVD tonight after work, but not one of the hard ones.  I'm tired.