Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Raging Fire, but Not in Me

A raging wildfire in the Gila Wilderness has cast a pall of smoke over the town, and the air smells like a campfire. Temperatures are in the high 90's.  Work was just a bear today.  Mentally exhausting.

On  the eating front, not much to report.  Still in detox phase.  Managed to stay off the sweets and white flour stuff yesterday, however, while out at the home team baseball game, the "its okay to eat" version of the Voice started telling me that having good ball game food was fine.  Eat the massive pretzel!  Have a big Snickers bar!  It's too hard to try to eat well and lose weight, anyway. 

Somehow I perservered, having only a small serving of raisins before bed.  However, I'm still not restricting portions or calories or what I eat, except for avoiding the sweets and white flour.  Which for me, is very difficult.

Again, I'm not expecting to do this quicky, for a number of reasons.  Moderation!  Just read a memoir about a woman who vacillated between anorexia and terrible binges, and used laxatives (eu!) to purge.  The suffering and obsession she endured were terrible to read about.  I overeat and have a sweets addiction, but it's never been to the point of the things she described.  Plus, I've never been a purger.  I always, for some reason, had this annoying moralistic view that if I was going to eat it, I should bear the consequences.  Plus, making yourself gag or using ipecac or other emetic is really, really unpleasant.

I'd put my eating problem in the moderate range.  Not a raging fire of anorexia or bulimia or dangerous binges, just glowing embers, or maybe a votive candle, of background noise. 

Soldiering on!

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