Long Nights in a Tent

Updates:

Strangely, on Friday I weighed 163.6, which is lower than I've been in a long time, probably a year at least.  It's strange because I've only been semi-dieting.  The only thing I can think that has caused this might be the extra exercise I've been taking, or mayabe I'm eating less overall without realizing it.  Whatever the reason, I'll take the weight loss!

Chilly weather foiled my backpacking plans for this weekend, but because I have an entire week off (to get ready for my daughter's wedding and also to use leave that will go away at the first of the year), I'm planning a challenging trip for Monday and Tuesday.  My dad read me the trip description and it sounds really hard, and long, but I'm going to give it a try.  Winter backpacks can be trying, not only because of the cold but also because the days are so short.  Living in the southwest, backpacking in the summer is un-doable unless you get up to high elevations because it's so hot here.  But when the sun sets at 5 and you know you're in for 12 hours in the dark tent, it can be disheartening.  I've never figured out a way to comfortably read in a dark tent (getting in a comfortable position with a decent light source on the reading material without the benefit of pillows, lamps and side tables is hard) but that doesn't mean that I don't keep attempting it.  I wish I could be like my dad, who somehow can enter a tent at 5 pm and sleep blissfully until the sun arises the next morning . . . I awaken numerous times, thrash around trying to get warm without being claustrophobically contained in my sleeping bag, lie awake thinking about scary things, and am generally miserable.  However, getting out of the tent in the morning and seeing a the beautiful wilderness scenery makes it all worthwhile.

Succulents limping along, they don't seem to like being inside for the winter, but it's getting toocold at night to keep them outside.  Our climate just has too many temperature extremes to successfully plant the little guys in the ground, so they must remain in containers and be moved around as the days get alternatively too hot in the summer and too cold in the winter.  However, I'm not ready to give up on any of them yet. 

 

Ineffective Toothpicks

So, I haven’t posted for a couple of weeks, mostly due to being busy, but I will try to catch up.

Weight:  still bouncing around in the mid 160’s.  I can’t remember the last time I managed to stay within my weight watchers point range for a day, but I am still tracking and weighing and I think that alone is preventing me from gaining a ton of weight.   At least I have an awareness.  And I’m exercising, which brings me to my next, great topic:

 Backpack:  I got to go on a GREAT backpack in the Gila Wilderness near the Gila Cliff Dwellings.  As it was over the Thanksgiving holiday, I was able to go for two nights.  I won’t describe the entire trip here, but highlights included hiking across a gorgeous grassy mesa that was reminiscent of the Serengeti with its swaying golden grasses and miles-long vistas, camping in a floodplain by the east fork of the Gila River next to what had been vast fields of flowers, now dried and brown but taller than my head, and hiking out the last day down the middle fork of the Gila River and coming upon an actual hot spring, hot water gushing from the canyonside, steaming in the chilly morning air.

My companions were my dad and a good friend of his named John, and my dog Murray.  This was only his second backpack and by far his longest, but he did well, carrying his dog pack, trudging along stoically, and once it was time to sleep, climbing into the tent and staying still all night long.

 Thanksgiving:  had a nice time with my kids and soon-to-be son in law.  We cooked, my daughter made her famous brined turkey, we had rolls and green bean casserole and real mashed potatoes and sweet potato casserole, homemade whole-berry cranberry sauce, cornbread dressing with celery and onions, and my daughter’s made from scratch (even the crust) harvest apple pie, a delicious variant on apple pie that includes cranberries and raisins in addition to sliced apples.  It was a lot of fun, the big kids took all the leftovers, and the next day I burned off the meal by backpacking 7 or 8 miles, I can’t remember.  The entire trip, spread over three days, was about 16 miles.

Getting it Back:  The backpack wasn’t super steep or hard, but being able to carry a pack 16 miles over three days has really boosted my confidence in my physical abilities and I want to do more, harder backpacks and hikes.  When I’m doing my weekly A mountain hike, I’ve started doing it the long way again (haven’t done that in a while) and I’m generally feeling stronger.  This is good.  Too bad I still am 30 pounds overweight.

Succulents:  I had moved my split rocks, baby toes and big variety plant dish garden back outside not only due to mild weather but also because my male kitten was systematically eating the plants. (He didn't die so I guess they aren't poisonous). This was especially annoying because not only was he eating the flower buds on the baby toes plants, he was eating leaves off some really gorgeous plants in the dish garden, rendering them limp and scraggly.  The baby toes has continued to flower, and it is downright bizarre to see a big, wide daisy-like flower emerging from the strange, translucent lobes of the plant.  Another bud is emerged as well, but has not opened yet.  The dish garden is starting to recover, but alas, a forecast cold front and much colder temperatures will require that I bring it back inside today.  Not only was the kitten eating the plants both kittens were lying down in the dish garden, further crushing the plants.  We tried putting sharp toothpicks in the dirt to keep them out, but that was ineffective.  I would awaken in the morning to find the toothpicks on their sides and obvious evidence that they had been laid upon.  I am going to have to figure out a way to protect it  . . . will report back.

Dots

Things are NOT going well on the diet front. Over the last couple of weeks I have found myself unable to stay within my point range and yesterday I actually ate some candy. Dots.  Many of them.  Like I used to do, mindless stuffing of face with sweet nuggets of gumminess.  And I even hid the box under my pillow so no one would see, but of course my observant 7-year-old noticed them.  Busted!

I know from sad experience that a weight loss so painfully eked out over an 11-week time frame can be regained in two weeks (or less!) if an eating frenzy is allowed to occur.  I believe I know what has caused this to happen, and there isn't really anything I can do about it.  But stepping back to observe my behavior over the last two weeks has indicated to me that something definitely changed, and the urge to overeat is incredibly strong.  "Will power" just isn't cutting it.  Something takes over that is overwhelmingly powerful and demands that I just EAT.

But I'm NOT going to throw in the towel, as in times past.  I have worked diligently to lose the 12 or so pounds, I feel much better, clothes fit better, and life is just better overall without overeating.  So, even with Thanksgiving coming up, I will continue to track my points, log my exercise and consider this just a blip in a weight-loss effort that will probably take about a year.  And then there will be maintenance, of course.

In good news, I'm going backpacking Friday-Sunday, in the Gila wildnerness.  I have a five-day holiday weekend and after cooking dinner on Thanksgiving and hanging with my kids, I will pack up and meet my dad at the trail head for what should be a fun trip.  18 miles round trip, with a pack, and access only to the food I carry with me should help to break the overeating cycle, but sometimes it backfires.  Example:  I went on a six-day backpack to Wyoming several years ago.  Backpacking for six days at altitude requires a lot of energy, and thus food, so I ate heartily on the trail.  Problem was, when I got back into civilization, my body wanted me to continue to eat heartily, and I did.  End result--I was 20 pounds heavier 3 months later.  Ugh. I even broke the zipper on my wedding dress--but that's another story.

So, I will have to watch for that pitfall, but I think the trip is going to be great.  If the weather holds.

In succulent news, my baby toes has a couple of new flower buds but I think it wants more sun, as this picture indicates:

Poor flower stem on baby toes plant seeking sun (window to left)

its's always hard in the winter to know where to put my succulents to keep them happy.  With these delicate little guys, just a slight difference in sun angle can make a big difference.  I have kind of a dark house, and very little windowsill space that isn't in the direct attack zone of my big dog's tail, which is a unique and powerful weapon, or accessible to little kitten teeth.  All I can do is place the plant, not move it (they don't like getting schlepped around at all), and hope for the best. 

My support stockings have not yet arrived.  I even called to inquire about them.  That's fine with me!  They can get here months from now and I won't mind!

Will report back . . .

No Pep!

I am absolutely pep-less.  I had a long, tiring day yesterday and even though I slept like the dead, I woke up just tired.  I gave myself a couple of hours before I started one of my hard Bar Method tapes (my customary Sunday exercise) but still, I only got 10 minutes into it before I had to sit down.  I'll defintely be doing Bar Method Super Sculpting in 5-10 minute intervals today.  Wow.  Tired.  Whupped.  Weary.  Rurnt.

Struggling with the diet, too.  I think I exceeded my daily points value every day last week, but I'm still "on the plan" thanks to the 49 free weekly points I get, and also my activity points (thank heavens I don't hate exercise).  But it's ironic, because people have started noticing my weight loss--an employee noticed on Friday, and a girl scout mom noticed last night (went to a Divali Festival at a Hindu temple in El Paso with the girl scouts--interesting and mostly enjoyable).  I've noticed from former weight loss efforts that it usually takes over 10 pounds of loss for anyone to notice.  It's actually sort of embarassing when people notice. 

I hope I don't just throw in the towel and start eating again.  One of my former staff members, who also struggles with weight, said once, "I wish we just didn't have to eat at all".  I knew what he meant.  If we just had to take a pill or drink a shake or something it would be so much easier and less fraught with emotion and turmoil than having to worry about what to eat (or not eat) every day. 

Had a rare rainstorm this morning.  Not a lot of precipitation, but I bet my lantanas enjoyed it.  Two new flower buds are emerging on my baby toes plant, but since they're inside now I'm not sure how they'll do.  Succulents are an enjoyable but difficut hobby, as the growth is slow, the plats are tempermental  and patient observation is necessary to determine how to best care for the various varieties.  But I still like my succulents a lot.

Desolate!

ARGH!  I had mentioned that my wonderful baby toes succulent had a flower bud and was greatly looking forward to my first blooming succulent.  Well, we had the first hard freeze of the year and I, as usual, brought all the succulents indoors for the winter.  My baby toes plant was down on the ground by my side door catch some nice late-afternoon sun and male kitten (Fergus/Aladdin/Jack/BoyBoy) apprently became interested in the bud, which by this time was sticking up far above the baby toes lobes, and the horrid little beast ATE it.  That is, he ate the bud covering, exposing what would have been the beautiful flower inside.  The petals would have been orange, or at least in their still-unbloomed state they are orange.

I was desolate.  These plants are so delicate and hard to keep alive, and I had a flower about to bloom, and now I just have a chewed orange and green clump, as shown below:

If you look closely on the top picture, you can see little kitten tooth marks on some of the lobes.  I guess the fenesteria isn't poisonous as male kitten seemed fine after his little snack.  The plant has now been moved to a well-lit room on a high shelf where it should be safe, but I think the flower is toast. 

On the weight loss front, I'm now on my fourth week of bouncing around in the mid-160's--I was back up .8 pound, to 165.  Bummer.  However, I'm hoping to go backpacking over the long Thanksgiving weekend and perhaps I'll finally drop down into the low 160's.  Something about long sustained hiking carrying a heavy pack seems to be very good for weight loss.

Getting it Back

Major good news.  I lost weight, down to 164.2 for a total loss of 13.4 pounds (or thereabouts).  Feeling good.  Something is changing.  I’m really wanting to get out and the hikes I’m wanting to do are challenging ones.  Backpacking out of McKittrick Canyon.  Guadalupe Peak.  The Crest Trail in the White Mountain Wilderness.  I’m not sure if my current fitness level would allow me to do these difficult hikes, but the fact that I even want to, and feel like I might be able to do them if I went slowly, I take as a very good sign that I am on my way to “getting it back”.  But . . .

Alas, I was foiled this weekend.  I’ve got a lovely three day weekend (Veteran’s Day) and had long-planned a backpack with my dad, but forecast cold and windy weather forced us to cancel.  What a disappointment!  We were going to go up the Aspen Trail to Elk Point in the White Mountain Wilderness, once of my favorite places in the world.  Darn!  But the howling winds I experienced just going up “A” Mountain this morning made me realize I had made the correct decision.  Perhaps the weather will be better over Thanksgiving weekend and we can do something then.

Support stockings have not yet arrived so I have so far dodged that bullet.  Probably this week. 

Bud on baby toes plant has not yet opened but is continuing to grow so I’m hopeful.  A freeze is expected this weekend so I’ll be bringing my outdoor succulents inside, which is always dicey because my house doesn’t get a lot of natural light inside.  Some make it through the winter inside, but others don't.  Found some additional succulent blogs that have a lot of good care information, which helps.  I’m pretty much in the dark trying to take care of these exotic plants. 

Planning to crochet a lot this weekend.  I love needlework, I just never have the uninterrupted stretches of time to make big items.  My wonderful sister-in-law is in town for a conference and staying with us.  I enjoy her tremendously.  She has the perfect blend of funny, smart, and encyclopedic knowledge and I can talk to her for hours.

One of the crocheted Christmas Stars I'm making for my daughter's school Craft Fair

Will report back!              

Support Stockings

Disappointing news from the scale—I actually gained .4 pound, though I’m trying not to get too concerned.  It was a real minefield of a week, with my daughter’s birthday party and Halloween, but I stayed within my point range and ate very little Halloween candy, so I’m not sure what happened.  But, I intend to stay the course.  Maybe I’ll have a good loss next week.  I certainly look and feel better.  In fact, it’s hard to believe that I still have 30 pounds to lose because I feel so slim.  I guess it goes back to the New Normal (see earlier post) where I’ve gotten so used to being obese that even just a small weight loss and less tight clothes feels like I’ve met my goal!  But 166 is not where I need to be.

 Bad:  I saw the vascular surgeon and he said I had to wear support stockings for the rest of my life.  This is a problem in several ways.  First, they are expensive:  $65 bucks a pair.  Second, I live in a hot climate and I cannot imagine wearing these things on a 110-degree day.  I haven’t actually worn them yet, they were custom-fitted and have to be ordered, but I’m pretty sure they will be very hot.  Third:  I don’t wear pants to work.  Dress slacks have never worked for my short, squat body type so my entire work wardrobe is dresses and skirts.  How I’m going to wear hideous, thick beige support stockings with my work clothes is a mystery to me.  And I have too much invested in my work clothes to just stop wearing them.  Not sure how I’m going to work this out.  The support hose catalog and packaging I saw at the doctor’s office had pictures of slim, long-legged women in diaphonous minidresses, supposedly wearing the stockings, but I don’t believe it.  I will report back once I actually start wearing the hose.

Exciting news on the succulent front!  My baby toes mimicry plant (fenestraria)is about to flower!  I water it once a week and noticed a weird protrusion amongst the lobes yesterday.  It’s a flower bud!  I looked on line and once the bud opens it will look like a white daisy with yellow center!  I’m excited!  This plant is unique as it has translucent windows at the top of each lobe through which sunlight can penetrate.  I’ve also kept my split rocks alive longer than I ever have, and new lobes are forming in the center!  My brain plants (lithops) are hanging in there as well, though I don’t think I’ll be seeing any flowers from them this year. 

Bud on baby toes plant 

New lobes on split rock

Brain Plants hanging in there

One more piece of good news:  I found a perfect dress to wear to my daughter’s wedding next month.  Her colors are silver, black and bronze, and when I was at Dillards buying shoes for my youngest, I saw a great silver and black cocktail-type dress that I thought would be perfect, but I didn’t try it on because we were pressed for time and I wasn’t wearing good clothes for trying on dresses (i.e., control-top pantyhose).  Well, yesterday I went back to Dillards to try it on and not only did it fit and look great, it had been marked down 30% so I got it for 48 bucks!  Add a matching shrug as the wedding will be in cold weather, a great pair of shoes, and I’ll be set! 

 Great dress for daughter's wedding

Dangerous Fishing

More good news:  down another pound, to 166.6.  A total of 11.8 pounds lost so far.  The good thing about weight watchers as opposed to being abstinent in OA is that most things are okay to eat and I don't have to be doctrinaire about sugar and white flour, which is very hard to do.  (I love the word doctrinaire and use it whenever I have a chance).  However, the things with white flour and sugar have a ton of points so I tend to avoid them anyway.  And I'm finding that I'm eating vegetables and fruit on a more regular basis as well.

Though, I've often wondered if I could actually eat the recommended "servings" of everything ww says I should eat every day and still stay within my point range.  The three dairy servings, the five fruit and vegetable servings, the three healthy oil servings--I always mean to sit down and actually figure it out but I never get around to it.  Maybe this weekend . . .

So I'm fortunate that I don't hate to exercise.  But I really don't like the gym.  I've only had a couple of gym memberships in my entire life (I have a $10 a month Planet Fitness membership right now but I gave the card to my daughter to use and they took her picture for the ID so I guess it's her membership now).   But in a non Planet Fitness style gym, I always feel awkward and ill at ease.  The machines are great, but having to drive there, change, wait your turn for a machine, adjust the weight settings, deal with grunting guys lifting weights, walk around a million mirrors, and pay for the privilege--it just seems extraneous and inefficient to me.  So I've always exercised either outside (walking, hiking, backpacking) or at my house.

Not enough room to exercise at home?  HA!, I say.  Sure, if you want a whole Nautilus machine set up at home there may not be enough room, but I manage to do my Bar Method DVDs at home in what I call my exercise slot, pictured here:

The Exercise Slot:  mat, barbells, ball, stretching strap, chair for leg work, and fan.

Other than the initial investment in barbells, mat, DVD and ball, it's free, and I don't have to rearrange the family room to do it other than shoving the coffee table a few inches over and getting a dining room chair from a few feet away.  It's efficient, I don't have to drive anywhere, I don't have to change into special exercise clothing if I don't want to, and I can do it at a moment's notice.  It's great.  And when I need more cardio, I fortunately live in a mild enough climate to where I can do that outside, in my neighborhood, a majority of the time.

Good news:  my youngest daughters birthday party is tomorrow (her actual 7th birthday is next week).  My dad is coming down for the party and we're going to go visit his brother, my uncle, in El Paso on Monday.  My husband made it home safely from his business trip.  Also, I'm really enjoying the new car.  I used the heated seats last night for the first time.  Sweet.

In the amusing news:  I never knew a kids fishing game could be hazardous.  Last night my youngest daughters school had their Fall Festival.  The kids dress up in costumes and each class hosts a game in their classroom for the kids to play--ring toss, pumpkin bowling, car racing, things like that.  Each game costs one ticket, or 25 cents, and the kids get candy or a novelty toy as a prize for playing.  Well, her class had a fishing game, which I agreed to work.  I sat behind a wooden barrier painted to look like the ocean with a huge box of candy and toys next to me, and kids would cast a "fishing pole" over the barrier to "fish" for prizes.  The fishing poles were wooden sticks tied with dangling string to which was attached a plastic clip, to which I was to attach a piece of candy.  Simple, right? 

The problem was, some of the kids were pretty zealous in their casting technique and the plastic clips were dangerous weapons as they whipped over the barrier and swung around madly.  I spent most of the evening cringing behind the barrier, trying to dodge the plastic clips (I took MANY direct hits to the head and shoulders), then scramble to attach candy before the pole was yanked violently upwards and over the barrier, creating yet another dangerous scenario as the now heavily-laden clip careened up and over the wall.  It was terrifying!  We had several broken strings, and one kid jerked the pole so hard the wooden dowel actually snapped in two.  Fortunately, we had an extra. 

We had so much candy and stuff that we had to put it in little bags, so we had many repeat customers as we were giving away a pretty good haul compared to the rest of the classrooms.  So we (my husband and I, and the couple of other parents who helped) worked steadily.  I ended up with a sore back, but at least it wasn't like last year when we worked pumpkin bowling, which was exhasting as we were running around madly retreiving errant pumpkins and setting up glow-in-the-dark bowling pins ad infinitum.  Still, it was fun, and it always feels good to volunteer at the school.  It's a nice community there, though everyone but us is RICH (huge exaggeration, there are plenty of "middle income" folks there, but no one is poor).

In the tired news:  youngest had a bad dream so she and I have been up since four.  I probably won't have the highest energy day today.  Oh well . . .

The Core of Fatigue

What a terrible weekend, eating wise.  Went way over daily points every day.  I don't know what happened.  I did get very fatigued.  For some reason, sometimes exercise doesn't invigorate me, it exhausts me, and that's what happened both days this weekend. I feel this deep core of fatigue that carries into my limbs and doing anything is incredibly hard.  I really hate when this happens.  I reel around, trying to get my tasks done, in a fog of tiredness.  It's hard to explain.  Right now, just typing this is hard, and my eyes feel like they're about to close, but i can't go to bed yet.  It's too early.  And I've got a full, busy week of work ahead of me.

Burnout?  Diet fatigue in addition to physical fatigue? 

It was actually not a bad weekend, I climbed A Mountain yesterday and did housework, and did a hard Bar Method DVD today.  Taught Sunday School, was a chalice bearer at church.  Went into work for a couple of hours, nothing taxing.  Can't even begin to figure out why I'm so exhausted. 

I've struggled with fatigue since having my third child at the age of 43. I think the middle-aged pregnancy sucked the life right out of me.  Sometimes its worse than other times.  Right now it's been bad for the past few weeks.  Just worn out, most of the time.  I miss feeling good.  I miss being invigorated by exercise.

Waa, waa.  Got to go do the dishes and fold laundry and oversee the bath. 

yawn . . . .

News from the Scale

News from the scale--down a pound!  I've lost 10.8 pounds, I'm 166.6 according to the inaccurate scale.  However, now the hard work really begins.  The "honeymoon" of fast weight loss is probably over.  I feel wonderfully svelte (thighs not rubbing!  no lumbering!  clothes less tight!  exercise is easier!) but I'm actually still significantly overweight, and I'm going to have to stick to slow (and I hope steady) progress through the 160's, 150's, 140's and finally down to the goal of 138.  Which is still technically overweight for my height.  It's going to take months . . . months of monotony.  I will just have to stay with it as best I can.

Weight loss is hard.  But so is being heavy.  Everything is always a trade-off. 

Good news:  I got a car!  It's a used 2012 Volkswagen CC and I like it a lot.  I'd been looking at these on-line but they were all far out of town and the shipping fee to get them here would have been significant, up in the $700-800  range.  But there was one here locally, it was reasonably priced, I got a good rate car loan so I went for it.  I still feel silly driving it, it's so nice, and pretty, but I think I'll be glad I have it and now I can hand down my Taurus, which is still in excellent condition, to whichever adult child needs it first.  Probably my daughter.  Her wedding is two months away and they want to start their family immediately and I think the Taurus will be an excellent family car for them.  So I kept it and didn't trade it in.

Here also is a picture of my wonderful 50 socks my friend Carol gave me for my birthday.  I love my 50 socks.

Hungry

I’ve been so hungry all week but I’ve been using all my points (plus some) every day.  I’d have thought that after four weeks on weight watchers I’d have adjusted to the reduced amount of food, but apparently not.  I’m HUNGRY--pretty much most of the time.  I’m hungry except when I’m actually eating.  I was so hungry last night that I ate an entire avocado with my salad.  I think an entire avocado is 10 points.  Remember, I only get 26 for a whole day.  But even after eating an entire fat-laden avocado I was still hungry.

In the good news, however, I lost 3 additional pounds!  I was down to 167.6 at weekly weigh-in this morning.  It was funny—the weight watchers web site scolded me for losing weight faster than the recommended rate and warned me of a host of problems that could occur from rapid weight loss.  I found it amusing.  The web site also informed me that I had met an important milestone of losing 5% of my starting body weight.  I honestly think it was the backpack.  It just burns a ton of calories walking uphill carrying a pack, and sleeping outside in the chilly air. 

Still, good news on the weight loss front, though a pound or so a week is probably a better rate at which to lose. 

Evidence of Arthritis!

I found out why my knees make a horrible crunching sound.  And hurt.  Had a knee X-ray last week and the doctor's office called to tell me the X-ray had shown "evidence of arthritis behind the kneecap".  When I asked what I needed to do, they said nothing.

I probably should do something, but I don't know what.  I know losing weight will help. 

I was a runner (more like a jogger, never very fast or far) in my twenties, and people used to tell me I'd pay for it when I got older. 

Interesting.

Reset

There is much to report!  My 50th birthday was wonderful.  My dad, husband, 3 kids and I went out to a very nice restaurant for a steak dinner.  I had some sticker shock when I saw the bill, but my dad so graciously contributed and it was really worth it.  Interestingly, even though it was my birthday and I had a lovely dinner of 6 ounce filet, baked potato, salad and two glasses of wine, I didn't go overboard all day like I usually do on my birthday.  In fact, I was so full after dinner that just a bite of my son's really excellent cheesecake sufficed.  Between the great Birthday Eve event hosted by my kids and then this fancy dinner, it was a great birthday.

Of course I exceeded my points on both days, but lo and behold, I was able to get back on the plan and I did a lot of exercise the next few days to make up for it, as well.

But the great news is that I GOT TO GO BACKPACKING!  Wonderful friend Carol stayed overnight with our six-year-old so my husband and I could go on an overnight backpack to the Gila wilderness.  We hiked about four miles up Railroad Canyon to Holden Saddle where we set up camp.  We took one of our dogs and had a wonderful time.  Here I am on the trail with the dog. 

There wasn't a ton of fall color but there was enough to be pretty, and of course, once we got up to 8500 feet or so, there were aspens, turning gold in the cool fall air.  They were really tall aspens, as you can see:

WE set up camp at a grassy meadow known as Holden's Saddle, which looked quite lovely, with wildflowers and swaying tall grass, but the ground was crisscrossed with burrowing animal tracks so we had to hunt to find a decent camping spot.  Still, it was quite cozy and comfortable, and, as usual, it was like a "reset" button for me.  Something about getting out in the wilderness is just really beneficial.







On the weight loss front, despite eating a lot last Friday and Saturday, I was down a pound and some change on my weigh-in-day.  Still haven't dropped out of the 170s, alas.  Maybe this week?  Though I'm expecting my weight loss will slow now that I've been on the WW for four weeks.

Too bad we attach so much emotion and angst to weight loss.  It's simple arithmetic.  If I'm 40 pounds overweight, its because I have 140,000 extra calories (40 pounds times 3500 calories in a pound) which I just need to chip away at over time.  But food is life, and nourishment, and love, and a host of other pleasant things, and unfortunately, there is a lot more to it than just eat less.  It takes a total paradigm shift and just a day or two off the wagon is often enough to break the good pathway and send me right back into overeating.

Stay tuned.

The Good News

The Good News: 

After two weeks on weight watchers, I've lost a little over 5 pounds.  This is good.  What is bad is that I'm always so flipping HUNGRY!  Of course, I haven't fine-tuned my plan and I'm sure I could do a lot better in terms of choosing more filling foods and such, but I'm always so busy and its hard to devote the time to figuring this out.  Still, I'm on a roll and it's good to feel in control.

The Great News:

Today is my birthday and I am 50 years old!  Life is good, I have many, many blessings and much to be thankful for.  Three healthy children, a comfortable home, a good job, a kind husband, supportive and interesting extended family, and a variety of wonderful people in my life.  And the ability to live in a country where I can take so many day to day freedoms completely for granted and thus be able to worry about things like being overweight.  In fact, the ability to be overweight is a blessing in itself.  Means there's lots of food.

The Not-So-Good News:

I did blow my weight watchers last night at my WONDERFUL big-kid hosted birthday event at Uno's by drinking two large long island iced teas and having an ice cream sundae, and the birthday dinner at a fancy restaurant tonight is sure to blow it further, cuz I'm having a steak, baked potato, and a glass of wine.  I'm doing this with complete awareness of the possible consequences, and it will be very interesting tomorrow, after all the half-century festivities are over, to see if I'm able to resume my weight-loss plan.  History isn't on my side, but I'm still feeling positive.

And the Jury is Still Out:

I'm slightly hung over after two long island iced teas (and a shot of Irish whiskey) but not miserable, just a little shaky and under the weather.  However, I'm thinking this slight hangover will be a good thing as I often use my birthday as an opportunity to eat and eat and eat horrid junk food all day (jelly doughnuts, mocha lattes, chips, candy, ice cream, you name it) but right now, I'm not feeling like eating much of anything. 

Will report back. 

Weight yesterday:  171 and some change.  It would be nice to drop out of the horrible 170s.  BTW, my goal weight is 138.  Whihc, interestingly, is still technically "overweight" for my height, but at 138 I can wear a size six and feel good, so that's the goal.  Sorry, weight chart developers.

A Good Checkup

I had a checkup on Friday and it went well!  The doctor finally seemed to listen to my concerns!  There was the requisite weight scolding, but it wasn't too bad.  And I got referrals!  To a vascular surgeon for my foot and lower leg swelling!  An x-ray for my creaky knees!  I don't think it will show much but it's a needed first step in finding out what is going on with them.  A shingles vaccine prescription!  (Especially wonderful since this is typically only given to those over 60!)  And finally, the 50-year-old's rite-o-passage, a referral to the gastroenterology center for my first, fun colonoscopy! 

Yay!

I'm actually not being facetious about the "yay" except for the colonoscopy, because I'd really like to address these minor but irritating health issues now before they grow into bigger problems.  So, once I go to these appointments I will report back on what is (or isn't) going on.

In other news, my son arrived safely, will be staying at least through his sister's December 21 wedding, maybe longer.  Went out to lunch with him and my 6-year-old yesterday and had a nice time.  We went to the Burger King since it had a playground for the little one.  To my horror, however, the teeny weeny barely a few bites and very un-filling whopper junior I had was 7 weight watchers points.  I get 26 a day, so that was a big hit for not much satiation. 

Then I took him to the car wash to wash the cross-country road trip crud off his car.  I like his car a lot because it used to be mine and I gave it to him.  It's a 1997 Subaru GT, very sporty and fun with almost all the options available for a car of its vintage.  The cumbersome, slide-out-of-the-dash cup holder makes me laugh, and the black paint job is showing its age, but its still a neat car for a 22-year-old guy.  After the $11 Big Daddy Wash, it looked a lot better.  I even wiped off the interior surfaces.  I guess you never stop being the mom, even when they're this old.

It was nice to see him.  I hope he is able to get work and move on with his life while he's out here.

Still on the Weight Watchers and actually sort of enjoying it.  I'm hungry most of the time but somehow I'm coping with it.  However, my husband is going on a business trip for three days starting tomorrow, which I find extremely stressful, so it will be a real accomplishment if I manage to stay on.    Then the big Five-Oh hits in six days, and big fancy dinner is being planned.  I hope I can stay on track, or if I get off, manage to get right back on.  The "fine art of regrouping" is what Pamela Peeke, author of Fight Fat after Forty, calls it.  It's well nigh impossible for me, so it's an art form I'd like to cultivate.

Here is the latest shot of kitten cuteness.  Fergus is on the left, Merida on the right.  They're about 18 weeks old, I think.

Another Approach

So, I started looking at how I started this blog back in May and not only have I not lost any weight, I've probably gained some, so I decided to start using the Weight Watchers membership I signed up for a couple of weeks ago.

I've been doing it for about four days now and it's going well.  It's a hassle, and I've been hungry, but it's sort of fun adding up my points on their on-line interactive site.  I can also track activity!

It is hard to stay on, however.  For example, today I was off my normal work routine because I had someone in from out of town that I was with the entire day.  So I had to go to a breakfast reception at which there were nothing but sweets, and go out to a working lunch with several co-workers, and was completely tied up in meetings the rest of the time, so there was no way for me to stay "on plan", but I did the best I could.  I did have an apple in my purse, and a protein bar, that I gulped down to try to keep my blood sugar on an even keel and not get too hungry and shaky, and those helped.  But trying to figure out how many points are in a mexican combo plate from a local restaurant is an educated guess at best.

But for now it's do-able, and any day I don't overeat is a victory, so I'm not going to write it off as a possible solution yet.  And it's nice to not have to be doctrinaire about not touching white sugar or flour, which is also hard to do. 

Other good news:  my son, reeling from a long-term relationship breakup, has arrived in town for an extended visit of about three months.  He is staying with his sister.  I haven't seen him yet, as he was exhasuted from the long cross-country drive and needed to get some rest, but I'm looking forward to seeing him soon and over the next several months.  I hadn't seen him in over a year, which is too long!

New Symptoms

Too low.  Not going well.  New fat symptoms.  When I walk my abdominal fat jiggles.  My legs rub together alarmingly and I'm starting to waddle. My arms are so fat they don't bend at the elbow as much as they used to.  I don't want to move.  My creaky knees, that my doctor ignores, are not helping matters.

I'm invited to hike this morning with my BFF and his girlfriend at one of my favorite places, Indian Hollow.  It will be gorgeous this morning after the storms we had last night.  But it's at least a 4-5 mile round trip, very steep in places, and not only do I know I won't make it, I don't even have any jeans that would fit me that I could wear. 

Seems simple enough.  Just don't overeat.  Don't put the food in your mouth.  So why is it so hard?

I've thought about this at length and I think it come down to one thing. 

Food is the only thing that makes me feel "taken care of". 

Because I am a full-fledged grownup and not only do I have to take care of myself, I have to take care of  others. 

Irrefutable proof that I am a Full-Fledged Grown-Up:

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This is supposed to be a countdown clock to my 50th birthday but it chose to remain in HTML when I FOLLOWED THE INSTRUCTIONS as to how to put it in here. Oh well.


I re-joined on-line Weight Watchers in a fit of desperation a few days ago ("Come back and we won't charge you the $30 registration fee!") but haven't gotten on the site even once.  It's pointless.  The longest I've ever stayed on Weight Watchers is 5 weeks.  I honestly don't have time to fiddle with the point-counting and making sure I have enough fruits and vegetables in a day.  The longest I've ever stayed abstinent from white sugar and flour in OA is 9 months.  I stayed on "cinch" weight loss shakes for almost two months with great success but the digestive disturbances finally started impacting my job and home life and I had to stop.  Too bad, because it worked well and I didn't mind doing it.

Wish I could do better.  I ate a Blizzard last night and it wasn't even good--melty, grainy, not well-blended.  I didn't eat the whole thing, it was just too nasty, but I certainly ate enough to do damage.  And the Inaccurate Scale is playing tricks on me.  After having me up to 184 on Monday, it had me at 175 yesterday.  That worthless piece of junk should be thrown out.  Seriously.  It's so inaccurate as to be useless.

So easy in concept, so hard in principle.  Just don't eat the food!  But work is so hard, and home life is so . . . I don't know, I don't want to be mean to my family, but just so . . . unsatisfactory, and I don't even have a moment to center myself and breathe, and then I'm back to old faithful, the food.

Must stop.

Will go hiking.  The fresh air will do me good, even if I'm slow, lumbering and don't make it to the top.

Post Script:  Hiking canceled as it's raining, something that almost never happens here.  It's weird.  It's very nice, too. 

More Thoughts:  A Christian book about overeating I read recently indicated that it is God that we really crave, NOT food, and thus our overeating should be channeled into seeking the joyous presence of God.  It also scolds that overeating is a symptom of rampant self-will and not giving ones self up to the wisdom of God.  Believe me, when I'm not being gluttonous, I am most grateful to God and provide many thanks for deliverance from gluttony.  But, alas, I have not found a way to make prayer a substitute for eating, nor have I had an active experience of God's presence when I pass up a brownie.  Only in the beauty of creation do I sense God's presence--see earlier post, Small Joys--rainbows, billowing cumulus clouds, beautiful mountains, flowers, the uniqueness of every human being, the miracle of life.  Yes, it sounds incredibly trite.  But it's true.

Weight Loss Fears

Okay, let's say I get it together and manage to lose weight.  Here are my (some silly, some well-founded) fears about what could occur:

Getting Sick:  The few times in my life I've been pretty thin, I'm also sickly.  I catch every bug that goes around.

Hair Loss:  pretty serious female hair loss runs in my family and I noticed over the years that any significant dietary change will show up in the form of quite a bit of lost hair.  It grows back, but this won't occur forever.

Droopy Face/Neck:  I'm not as young as I used to be and fear the fat-plumped skin on my face and neck will sag pretty badly if I lose weight.

Loose Skin:  See Droopy Face/Neck, above.

Loss of Muscle Mass:  I do work pretty hard at my exercise and have decent muscle tone under the fat.  I certainly don't want to lose this strong, metabolism-boosting core layer of muscle.

Vanity:  I certainly don't want to get uppity and think I'm "all that" if I get back into smaller sized clothes!   This has been known to occur, especially as I have a certain body part that is considered pretty spectacular when I'm not fat.  Then again, being almost 50 and now an official AARP member, having this happen is pretty unlikely, see Droopy Face/Neck and Loose Skin, above..

Stress:  Once thin, there is always a constant, nagging worry that the weight will come back.  This concern is quite well-founded, alas.

So, there they are, out there for the world to see, my weight-loss fears.  Feels good to get them out there.  Mkes them seem less terrifying, somehow.

Rapidly growing kittens.  Fergus on the left with open eyes, Merida on the right.

Small Joys

Small joys can make life worth living.  Seeing two beautiful golden retrievers in the back seat of the car in front of me as I drive to work, hanging their smiling heads out opposite windows as the wind flaps their ears and lips.  My carefully tended lantana plants in many different colors, blooming all at once (a rare occasion).  Going to Silver City over the weekend and finding out that trails have been developed in the City-owned open space and having a serendipitous tour of an area formerly forbidden--climbing to the top of Boston Hill and then winding down the rocky, wildflower-lined trails back to downtown.  A dinner out with my husband where they had the same Lancer Rose my mother used to drink when I was a kid.  A sparking glass of Ayinger Brau-Weiss, so crisp and delicately fizzy that it's almost like champagne.

Buying myself an early birthday present at the wonderful estate store in Silver City--a hard-to-find turkey platter in my china pattern.  Plus my Silver City friend Carol bought me the teapot I didn't have.  Another early birthday present.  I'm pretty much done collecting this stuff--the pieces I don't have are pretty esoteric, like an awkwardly shaped oblong three-sectioned relish dish, thick juice glasses, or a set of three mixing bowls so hard to find that they would cost hundreds to buy and would never be used.  I might buy the candlestick holders, though, they have a plump round shape that makes them look sort of like egg cups that have been split in two.  Unusual,  but I'm drawn to them.  How lovely to be in a place in life where I can actually buy and enjoy these pretty things.

Physically I'm a wreck.  Even though I took two very long steep uphill walks while in Silver City, and am thus well-exercised, I'm so puffy with retained water that I'm miserable.  My feet and ankles are noticeably bigger.  My fingers feel plump and my chest area is so miserably sore and tender it's reminiscent of early pregnancy.  It hurts just to put on a top, let alone a bra.  Ouch.  I lumber around the house.  I'm hot and sweaty when no one else is.  I have no idea what I weigh, nor do I want to know.  I ate three Oreos.  I don't even like Oreos.

What to do?  I told  my husband the other night, in all seriousness, that I may not lose the weight.  It's the only thing that calms me down sometimes after a stressful day.  Plus, overeating is habit and my brain receptors scream very insistently when I deny them their simple carb fix.  I'm like smokers I've seen when they don't have a pack of cigarettes.  I get antsy, restless, and very, very disappointed when I deny myself the drug of food.

But then I think of moving freely, being able to bound up mountains and backpack again, and see the incredibly breathtaking places I've been for yet another time, and new places, and not having raw chafed places on my inner thighs (yes, that happened yet again on Thursday while at work and I spent a very very uncomfortable next few days ministering to this friction-induced ailment), and the pain of not having food seems minor. 

I never know if OA is the answer.  I feel very self-absorbed when I contemplate the Steps and the type of things I would have to do to properly work them.  And it's not an excuse, I actually am terribly, terribly busy with a very demanding job that is not merely 8 to 5 and a young child still at home who's not particularly easy or low-maintenance. 

But fortunately, my weight has not made me impervious to the small joys in life.  I still get excited when I see a rainbow, or a group of lenticular clouds over the mountains.  My kittens bring me pleasure every day.  Looking at my youngest daughter's exotic eyes in just the right light (one is blue, one is half blue and half brown, makes an interesting effect).  Taking my soon-to-be son-in-law and daughter out for his birthday dinner.  Even the moment when I start to realize it's getting hot in the house and then, as if by magic, the air conditioner clicks on.  The feeling of my super-soft purple bedroom carpet under my bare feet.  An icy cold glass of seltzer and lime after mowing the lawn.  Leisure.  So many people in the world have no leisure.  Leisure is a wonderful thing.

So, all in all, life is really good.  And as I make my final countdown to the big Five-O (26 more days), I must say, life's been good to me so far.

Lantana!

The Harsh Truth/Goodbye, Neil

The harsh truth is this.  I can’t eat what I want.  Not only can I not eat what I want, I can’t even come close to eating what I want.

Back up to 177.4 after what, just a couple of weeks of not being abstinent?  It’s truly amazing that what took two months to lose by eating (sort of well) can be completely erased by just a couple of weeks.  And I was by no means out of control with food, I was just eating some stuff I don’t eat when I’m abstinent.  Like gummi bears, kind bars, a whole grain bagel with cream cheese at Starbucks.  Nothing really heinous, just not so tightly controlled.

Discouraging!  I feel puffy.  I feel like I have a double chin (I actually sort of do).  I don’t know what to do.  I’m going to have to go on starvation rations to lose any weight at all.  My feet have this slight swelling that only I notice, because I am very well acquainted with my feet, but my shoes leave strap marks when I take them off, something that never happened before.  I went to the doctor for it a couple of months ago.  It wasn’t my normal doctor, she was out of town, so they sent me to one of her associates, a youthful dweeb of an MD who just happens to be my husband’s doctor and seems to take very good care of him. 

Well, Dr. Dweeb, MD, couldn’t ascertain any swelling but since I had a blood clot a few years ago while pregnant he sent me for a venous Doppler ultrasound—the NEXT DAY, because it could be a blood clot presenting in a weird way (his comment, not mine).  I took an afternoon off work and showed up at the ultrasound center and waited a very long while to find out that Dr. Dweeb had not written the venous Doppler ultrasound order properly and thus they couldn’t do it.  No pleading or reasoning with them worked (I know he meant bilateral!  Both legs!), and attempts to call Dr. Dweeb were unsuccessful as it was a Friday afternoon and his office is closed on Friday afternoons.

I gave up and never had the scan, but then a couple of days ago, I noticed the foot swelling was a little worse than it has been so I tried to make an appointment with my doctor.  The person on the phone took my information and apparently looked at an appointment calendar because she informed me that I had an appointment on September 21 (with this tone that implied, how dare you ask for an appointment when you already have one for over a month hence) and I would just have to wait until then, as my doctor is booked until December.  When I politely asked what happens if someone gets sick and needs to be seen, she mumbled something vague about trying to work them in with a different doctor.

Well, so much for trying to catch things early.  Granted, the swelling is slight and there is no pain, but it would be nice to find out what it is and potentially treat it before it gets worse.  I apparently don’t have a blood clot because it would have caused me problems by now (up to and including death!), so that’s good.  I think I’m just overweight and sit too much, but who knows. 

In the good news, I’ve stepped up the walking because I had this dawning moment of realizing I was doing nothing but Bar Method DVDs (which are incredibly difficult but not aerobic) and then sitting all day, and the dogs were getting quite fat, so with the temperatures moderating, I’ve managed to take the dogs for several evening walks to the desert where they can dash about madly, off leash.  The walks can’t be bad for me, even if they’re not hard-core.  I am almost 50 with creaky knees, after all.

Other good news:

·         My youngest is settling into first grade.

·         I (as well as my husband) are gainfully employed.

·         We have a comfortable house, which is only partially a sty today.

·         The pool is algae free.

·         My New Car Fever has temporarily abated, and I’m keeping my current car clean and pleasant.

·         I enjoy freedom of speech and get to vote in elections.

·         I get to listen to Green Day when I arrive at work in the morning.

·         Temperatures have fallen below 100 and September draws near!

There are a million other good things I could list but I’ll save them for another day. 

But there is one more thing to remember.  For a compulsive overeater like me, There Will Never Be Enough.  So why even start overeating at all?

Easier said than done.  Stay tuned!

Post Script:  Just found out Neil Armstrong died.  I can actually remember watching him stepping onto the moon.  We sat in our living room in 1969 watching the grainy black and white images on the TV.  My mother had tears in her eyes.  It was so dramatic.  All the boys in my class wanted to be astronauts.  What brave men those guys were, given the technology of the time—there were so many things that could have gone wrong, and as I recall it all hinged on them being able to take off from the moon and meet up with the other spaceship orbiting around the moon, and then lining up exactly right to be able to hit earth’s atmosphere without bouncing off . . . what a feat of human genius.  It brings tears to my eyes right now to look at Neil Armstrong’s young, brave face in his official Apollo astronaut portrait.  What a great guy.

I got to shake Buzz Aldrin’s hand once, and have spoken to Frank Borman many times (we went to the same church and he had a hangar at the airport I used to manage) and I treasure those two, but Neil Armstrong was an icon.  What a great thing he did.   

1930-2012

Homeownership--A Manifesto!

Even before the great mortgage meltdown of 2008, I was never a believer in the concept of a house as an “investment”.  Really, this is true.  I had this whole soapbox rant I would do when people would talk about buying a house as the “biggest investment you’ll ever make”.  Yes, I know that many, many people have made it big in real estate.  But ultimately, your house is a place to live, not some kind of retirement account.  In fact, with your basic 30-year mortgage, is the house really “yours”?  All I’d have to do is miss a couple of payments and whatever company happened to hold my mortgage at the time would foreclose and evict me.  I’m paying for housing, just like paying rent, without the benefit of being able to pick up and move if I need to, and without  the benefit of having a landlord to pay for major repairs and upkeep.  And should I need to move and can’t sell my house, I’ll be up the creek, having to pay for the house as well as housing in my new location.

That being said, there are many good things about homeownership.  Once you have kids and pets, it’s nice to not have to worry about rental property rules and keeping the place clean enough so you can get your deposit back.  You can paint and decorate however you want.  And there are always uncertainties with renting.  The owner can decide to stop renting the place, rent can go up, repairs can be deferred to the detriment of the tenant, etc.

Early in my relationship with my husband, I was giving my soapbox rant about a house being a place to live and not an investment, and he chuckled and pointed out that “yet, you are a homeowner”.

And I am, and have been for a long time.

I’ve learned a lot from each house I’ve owned and tried not to make the same mistakes, but I’ve found there is no such thing as a perfect house.  Here is my assessment of my various houses over the years:

2031 Harrison Ridge Court:  a true “starter” house, a HUD foreclosure bought for $71K.  About 1,100 square feet.  A cute two-story, but so, so cheaply built.  For example, there was no insulation around the sewer pipes so every time a toilet was flushed upstairs, you could hear the water rushing down the pipes as you sat downstairs in the living room.  Lovely.  It also had the thermostat right by the front door so every time the front door was opened, either the AC or the furnace would turn on, whether it was needed or not.  And the placement of the furnace was such that it made a deafening roar that drowned out the TV and normal conversation.  In the summer, the upstairs was unbearably hot.  My ex-husband and 22-year old son still live in this house.  I believe this area has been hit hard by the mortgage meltdown and this house, 22 years after we  bought it, is probably worth much less than we originally paid for it.

Lessons learned:  Yyou get what you pay for, starter house neighborhoods don’t stay stable for very long (hello, 12 people crammed into a 3-bedroom house with front yard serviung as parking lot), and square footage is key—the closet sized bedrooms that work for a baby and a 4-year old are woefully tiny as the children and their accoutrements grow in size.  And thermostats should not be anywhere near an exterior door!

305 Townsend Terrace:  This house was huge, over 2400 square feet, but on a busy street corner and not in good repair.  It was constructed of cinderblock, completely uninsulated, with ancient metal casement windows that wouldn’t close all the way, so it was cold in the winter.  I paid $83,500 for it which came out to less than $30 a square foot.  There was plenty of room but a lot of it was wasted space and ended up just being closed off most of the time.  Interestingly, this was the only house I ever made money on.  I sold it for $130K after living in it for less than four years.  Home prices were going up and I benefited from the gravy train.

Lessons Learned:  Busy street corners are noisy and people like to throw trash out of their cars.  Insulation is important.  Big houses mean more work and more money.  Every day the toilet flushes without event is a good day.

2004 Rose Lane:  This house was ug-ly.  A hideous one-car garage extension had been put on without any consideration to how it fit with the design of the rest of the house.  Irrigation pipes, wrapped in crumbling black insulation, had been installed across the front of the house, in full view.  It was horrible.  I still don’t know why we bought it.  We did everything “right”, getting the home inspection and all, but this house had SO MANY PROBLEMS it was a true money pit.  I can’t even begin to describe everything that broke in this house, but a lot of it involved plumbing and big, watery messes.  We did a ton of work to it, not just repair but a lot of improvements, and made it absolutely beautiful inside.  It had a nice flow to it, a big family room area with bathroom that we used as a teenager suite at various times and a beautifully private back yard, a huge shed that had electricity and tons and tons of storage space, but it was just one car away from a busy street and with the old single-pane aluminum windows it was noisy and cold inside.  After one too many major repairs and a neighbor accidentally crashing her car into the house, necessitating months of fighting with her insurance company and dealing with contractors we just couldn’t bear it anymore.  I paid $141K for the house and joyously sold it for $150,000 four years later even though we had probably put close to $50K in repairs and improvements into the house, including adding a back screened porch and completely replacing the entire air conditioning system and ductwork, remodeling a bathroom and replacing all the flooring.  The day we went to the title company to sign the papers to sell the house was one of the best days of my life.  Literally. 

This is an actual picture of the neighbor's crashed car in our house. 

Lessons Learned:  We bought this house from a slumlord (excuse me, real estate investor in trailer park properties) who lived out of town and used it as a sometimes winter residence and didn’t care about it, and it showed.  Busy streets have cars on them at all hours of the day or night.  Get a home inspector you really, really trust (ours completely missed rotting ductwork that cost thousands to fix).  Look at the neighbors’ houses before you buy and determine if they seem to be running a permanent yard sale, junk business or used-car lot from their residential property.  Don’t over-improve.  The day I realized how much it would cost to replace the aluminum windows, added up how much I had already put into the house, and how much I’d ever be able to sell the house for, was the day I was done with it.  Third replacement of kitchen floor due to yet another plumbing problem contributed to my ultimate hatred of this house.   

Current House:   We tried.  We bought it from people who lived in it for 30 years and had maintained it beautifully.  It has new windows, double paned, low E.  A metal roof that should last a lifetime.  The master bathroom was remodeled and enlarged with a whirlpool tub and glass shower enclosure.  The master bedroom is spacious but not cavernous—perfect-sized.  It has refrigerated air and you can switch from AC to heat at the push of a button.  It’s mostly a great house.  But perfect?  No, not at all.  It’s about 200 square feet too small and has an old-fashioned layout that was hard to fit our furniture into and results in wasted space  There is no place for large storage.  The garage doesn’t have access into the house.  It has an unheated, ancient swimming pool that we can only use for about three months out of the year because the water gets so cold.  But we’ve decided this is the “forever” house so we’re staying.  And we’ve certainly had repair issues—a hot water heater that sprang a massive leak one day and had to be replaced, irrigation pipes that burst, sending cascading streams of water down the street (just as the codes officer happened to drive by!) ,  but so far (knocking on wood here) nothing too terrible. 

Lessons Learned:  Storage space is important.  Access from the garage directly into the house is nice.  Make sure the built-in drawers under the kitchen counter all stay shut properly.  Shag carpet and pets just don’t mix.  When the pool is your own to worry about and take care of, it’s a lot less fun.

Conclusion:

I know there is a huge industry of many professions built around homeownership (mortgage lenders, bankers, title companies, loan servicers, home inspectors, home improvement contractors, insurance companies, HGTV, surveyors, etc., etc.,) and it is a huge economic engine, but it seems to depend so much on the concept of more, more , more, moving up, getting the better, bigger house, constant improvements, granite countertops, multi-head showers and making people not satisfied with what they have.  I fall into this trap myself, and it’s not sustainable and it creates angst.

Nevertheless,  I guess I’ll keep being a homeowner for a while.  Where I am in my life, with five pets and a child still at home, it works for me.  But if I ever have to go back to renting again, I certainly won’t look at it as “throwing money away”, because it’s not.  As my dad, who has NEVER owned a home, always says, you’re paying for a service.  A landlord to pay for the repairs, no maintenance woes, freedom from house chores on weekends, and the ability to pick up and move whenever you need to.  No grass to mow or siding to paint or roofs to replace?  Freedom . . .  peace of mind . . . tranquility—if that’s where you are in life.

On the weight loss front, nothing good to report.  Not abstinent (though not spiraling completely out of control yet) and up two pounds.  Went to a meeting and had a great chat with my sponsor last night, but high stress level is keeping me away from working my program with any consistency at all.  Not good.  Stay posted!